Nostalgia

A part of you I allow to break free,  For the shackles in my heart Throttle you down. A part of you I nurture through poetry,  Hoping they might blossom And fill my garden somehow. But the remaining part I still retain, Much like a moon you wax and wane.  At daybreak We tryst in my thoughts. We talk, we laugh Till twilight engulfs. Hoping against hope,  I look for love in your eyes. I discover serenity in my solitude, Amid your apathetic replies. You cannot comprehend my language It seems, Not the one I speak but the one intertwined  With my soul, with my dreams. So after you depart, I intoxicate myself to the brim. With the love I hold for you, Wreaking havoc, within.  I draw you close, close to my bosom,  Not you but your memories I have let live inside me Since long I assume. Shielded, untainted, Frozen in time. Just like how I have known them,  Beautiful and sublime. Memories that embrace me Like a warm blanket on a wintry night,  When no more unrequited letters to you I vow to eve

The world keeps questioning me What battles do I really fight?  Why do I refuse to draw apart the curtains  And let in some light?  You see the battlefield is my mind. And the pawns my thoughts. They fiercely stab,  Stab one another behind. Yet the sun shines.  Shines bright the next day. The war ends.  And I greet hope on my way.  But you see the soil has already been stained in red. And slowly starts bearing,  the stench of the dead.  Darkness falls once more, Clouds embrace the sky. The Earth never really gets to heal. And breaks into a cry. 

You desire a mansion. I contain my world within a room. Brimming with sunshine. Bereft of a gloom. You are filled with wanderlust, Questing for a new adventure each day. While I am kissed by stardust, Seeking love in the mundane through a newer way.  You strive to be a CEO. I am happy with a work sufficing my meal.  And I have plenty of time for poetry. And I have plenty of time to heal.  Your dreams are yours. My dreams are mine.  My dreams can be different, But no trivial than thine.  -------------- My dreams were getting bogged down under the mound of liabilities I had vested on them all the while. Until today, I set them free. I set them free to breathe, To soar, To explore, And then seek their way back to me  Only when it is time. Until then, I would wait, Or may be I would not. I did not let them go. I simply set them free; From the clutches of my guilty fingers That had almost caged and throttled them to death. On the pretext of just holding on. When they need not to. Anymore. T

 

I can be amusing but with a dismayed face,  For the most part you would find me a couch potato scurrying to keep pace. I am sane but in the weirdest way, An overthinker, I postmortem every word you say. Half-time a corporate worker and a full-time daydreamer, Beware! My horoscope comes with a disclaimer. Somedays, my ambitions are a little overblown,  Trying to move mountains alone.  While somedays, I feel the world getting at me,  Thereby spurring my rambling spree.  Also I have a keen nose for vibes,  So only if we vibe, we thrive. 

Someday, you would find respite from the hurricane raging in your head, in your heart.  Someday your mornings would have a truly tranquil start. Someday even not-so-funny jokes would make you laugh out loud. Eyes sparkling with joy profound.  Someday, the tea you sip would really feel warm down your throat.  Someday you would be done waiting on a happier note. Someday your little pastimes would fill you up with bliss.  Someday you would no longer gaze at the abyss. Someday, the tasks on your 'to-do list' still left unticked, Wouldn't get you freaked. Someday you would actually dare to dance in the rain,  Taking toddler steps towards living again.  ‐----------------------------------------------------------------- Someday, You would stop being hard on yourself and embrace the coarseness of your skin,  The bulge on your waist,  The thinning of your hair. The anxiousness in your air. Of course you would care for yourself then. But without being critical time and again.  Someda

Hey you, Are you listening? You are the reason I feel like seventeen today despite being twenty seven, With you, I feel I am at my safe haven. থাক, অনেক হলো, অনেক হলো প্রেমের কবিতা, সারাদিন কি ভাবলে চলে, ভাবলে চলে তার কথা? এবার একটু পড়তে বসো, কাজটা করো মন দিয়ে, দিবারাত্রি কি তার অপেক্ষায় চেয়ে রইবি ফোন নিয়ে? And much like a rain... You breathe life into my parched soul all over again. ধুর বাবা! আবার শুরু, আবার পড়লি প্রেমে? তোর কপালে বড্ডো বিপদ, এবার তো যা থেমে। কত এলো, কত গেল, কতই বা আসবে, এই নয় যে তারা তোকে তোর মতো ভালোবাসবে। But I simply cannot let you go out of my mind, In thousand and one ways have I imagined our conversations, our fingers entwined. বুঝিনা ভাবিস, তোর কথার অলংকারে, কার কথা যাস বলে? আমি তোর আব-ভাব সব চিনি, এই রকমটি হলে। বেরিয়ে আয় এবার তুই আবেগের ফাঁদ ছেড়ে, নইলে প্রত্যেক বারের মতো তুই আবার যাবি হেরে। Shut up! Just shut up! It is true, hoping against hopes, I still weave my dreams, Atleast this time, my sunshine, do not disappoint me please.

কেমন আছো তুমি? আশা করি ভালোই হয়তো। শেষ মেশ বিয়ে করে সুখী হয়েছো, একা যে বড়ো কষ্ট পেতে নয়তো। আজও কি তুমি আগের মতনই আছো? তাকেও কি তুমি নিঃস্বার্থে ভালোবাসো? মাথা থেকে তার পায়ের নখ অবধি, অমনই খেয়াল রাখো? আজও কি তুমি রেগে গেলে হিংস্র হয়ে যাও? তাকেও কি পাখি ভেবে, আগলে রেখে, খাঁচায় ভরতে চাও? তোমার প্রেম কোনো দিনও বুঝলাম না বাপু! চিরকাল দায়ী করেই সুখ পেলাম। ঠিক-বেঠিকের গন্ডি পেরিয়েছি বহুদিন। তাই আজ ক্ষমার অনুরোধটি রেখে গেলাম।

I have always been bewitched by the night sky, The moon gliding like a silver boat from high. The stars sprinkled like diamonds all over,  As the planets stealthily manoeuvre. Many a tale as a child, have I spun around you,  You are my wonderland I try escaping into. Growing slightly older and falling in love,  I have often imagined lying by my lover's side and gazing above.  But today I feel utterly deceived. You are my confidant I have forever believed.  Should the aligning of your celestial entities define who I am? My highs and lows, my demeanour godamn! How do you hold my fate inauspicious through sheer intensity of my rage? My angst, my abilities, you can never truly gauge.  'Maktub', 'It's all written', since long I have known,  What's destined, is bound to unfurl on its own.   

The world is an enigma, Baffles me by the way it goes, Truth can be deceptive, Deception a truth, Who knows? The world is a maze, Topsy-turvy and twirled. I take a vow To find my way, But lose myself somehow. You see, While my thoughts align in a linear path, The world is a ‘Chakravyuh’. I try fathoming a little each day, And shiver at the aftermath.

An engineer, a scientist, I am not, Never delved into coding, analytics or bot. Physics and mathematics you see, Have forever disappointed me. A doctor, I am neither, In this pandemic, my service ain't a necessity either. Sometimes I try writing. But who would indulge in brain racking? When the world has lucrative alternatives to fend, And my words don't even make your hair stand on ends? A lawyer, a painter, A civil servant, a banker, The list goes on and on, Yet a perfect title that fits me, Hasn't been born. So to label what I actually do, Has given me a hard time too. You see the world would always attempt  To put you in a box,  A world that in itself is a paradox.  We are all taught to aim high, For the infinitely vast sky.  Who cares if we lose our tranquillity As days roll by? In a need to constantly achieve something  To receive a validation, Remember there is no real end to this aspiration. As the capitalistic society Sets to condition our psyche,  Our mental healt