Thursday, August 9, 2018

My new mate

I still write you letters,
Within me, confined,
Rattling with you incessantly,
Over and over in my mind.

Securing every bit of what remained,
Unscathed in my soul,
Lest they elude me too,
Pretty much like you.

You see the new companion I have made,
Out of sheer imagination about you in my head,
Is my confidant now,
For, I am learning to let go off you anyhow.

My new mate never tries caging love,
With the shackles of time and space,
He knows love is fathomless,
With its own mysterious ways.

Today, while you dwell with your significant other for real,
I am better off in my make-believe world with you,
Sadly the seed we had sowed together once,
Needed to be pulled out when it grew.

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Uncensored





Dear Brother,


I do not know if at all I would want this letter to reach you at any cost, however today, I cannot hold back any longer from pouring myself out to you.

I had never been privileged enough of possessing a photograph of you in my treasure house. You had absolutely left no part of yours with me, save for few worn-out memories that I desperately cling on to till now. Nevertheless, I could carve you in my mind solely through grandma’s words. She said that even as a child, your eyes were darker than a new moon night, delved deeper than the Pacific, capable of holding a world within them. You looked charming even on your fifth birthday.

Nobody had actually seen you since then, since our parents passed away in a car mishap, since I was a two-year-old baby and since my elderly aunt and uncle nearly "abducted" you to New York to raise you up as their own, to bless you with a new lease of life, cut-off from all of us.

I was left alone, being the ugly duckling, to be taken care of by my grandma and younger aunt, hardly ever knowing that the impending dark cloud of the family "cold war" would never permit us to know each other again.

I hunted for you in vain amidst everything and everyone I could. I doubt if ever my thoughts had mistakenly crossed your mind in a similar way, even for once.

Today, ironically the same family feud that split us brought you again to my door after twenty long years, but only as a “rival”. The list of “demons” who had turned up to follow the legal proceedings of our grandma’s will and could perhaps drive us to the streets using the strength of their fortune, unfortunately, counted you in as well.

Nevertheless, I so wanted to take your hands and embrace you firmly, to feel how it must have felt like, to have done that ages ago as siblings. Terribly introverted like me, you made no effort to interact with the others except for giving an occasional polite smile.

In the afternoon, when all of us had reluctantly settled together for lunch, once in a while bashfully, I attempted to strike a conversation with you. What would I have possibly told you, given your laconic replies when I had indeed an entire universe to unveil? We had the same blood, yet we were no more than strangers and exchanged nothing apart from awkward silences.

At times, when we imagine ‘someone’ so much in our thoughts, we get gripped by sheer ecstatic numbness when that ‘someone’ appears for real.

All the while your attention was solely fixed on the girl who was supposedly our “cousin” yet, who had mercilessly dared to replace me from your life forever.

What did I do to deserve such a great deal of indifference showered from you? It was I who was worthy of all your love and affection. It was I who should have been with you and not that clingy wretch after all!

I almost broke into a sob you failed to notice.

When our house had crawled into a nocturnal slumber, I tiptoed into your room to steal a glance of you sleeping soundly after an arduous journey all the way from the west to the east of the globe.

It is weird, how we can spend our whole life craving for someone despite possessing everything we needed to be happy. Our life is complete but with a void inside.

Here, deep within me, I was burning. The more I gazed at you, the more I yearned to get closer just to feel your warmth and the touch I had so longed for. It was as if all my sense organs were bursting forth to compensate for your twenty years of absence from my life all at the same time all within that one moment. It was like rain impinging on the arid bed. It was like rediscovering my long lost soulmate.

I stooped slightly over your face, the face I had not have a glimpse of, for ages. Those enigmatic eyes and sensuously luscious lips, seemed to push me to somewhere much beyond, as I took to study every feature of yours meticulously amid the lurking darkness.

All of a sudden, with the clock striking four, reality dawned on me with a thud. How could I have allowed the liberty of such immoral thoughts? My conscience pricked me as a pang of fear rushed down my spine. Like a coward, I wanted to run off from my own self. The fact that you would be away in a couple of days and I would never be able to meet you again plagued me persistently. Nonetheless, I was disarmed by shame and in no position of confronting you lest you discerned my feelings.

Thereby, I had to board the bus to my hostel, the very next evening on the pretext of a pending university work despite my family’s insistence, despite ‘your insistence’ to stay.

Finally, the wheels gathered motion, promising me relief after the torrential downpour of my life that left me utterly drenched with untamed passions that were no less than a crime. Through the open window, through the faint twilight, I could see two children playing.

I wish I had another chance, to grow up with you, all over again.  



Yours,

Biological sister




Monday, April 24, 2017

An Apology to Our Elders

We hardly spare you a moment from our virtual space,
Basking in the glory of a thousand "Likes",
Fiercely unsettled, until that last grey tick turns blue,
While your eager voice once again goes in vain,
Eventually fading from view.
We are a bunch of millennials,
Busy swiping right and left,
We love investing in whatever works as of now,
"Happily ever after" doesn't quite befit our fairy tales yet.
We exploit you as our "Punching bags",
Cribbing about every little thing going wrong,
From hookups to breakups, from sex to stress,
Our generation certainly plays the "Damsel in Distress"!
You led us from darkness to light,
Ungratefully we flash nonchalance in times of your need,
Looking down upon each of your efforts to keep pace,
Our generation is indeed running "The Rat Race"!

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Caged


"Aj sei khorir gondi muchhiya gachhe, kintu gondi tobu ghoche naai "
--Rabindranath Tagore, Jibon Smriti 'Ghor o Bahir'.

Locked up within the confines of a four- walled cage,
The mind was enchained with care;
Locked up within the confines of a four-walled cage,
The lips were tamed and bare.
Imprisoned thoughts and imprisoned dreams,
Could never unearth the beauty within;
Imprisoned thoughts and imprisoned dreams,
Turned love and longing into a sin.
Compassion and consolation fumed out the language of curse,
Wounded soul left unheeded and un-nursed.
But one fortunate day, they unfastened the shackles of her feet,
The ecstasy of her ‘self’ knew no bounds;
With the wings un-clipped and all set to fly,
She was free; free to soar beyond the vastness of the sky.

But each time she struggled to make the first move,
Her efforts went in vain,
But each time she struggled to make the first move,
Her shattered hopes mourned with pain.
Inhibitions persistently held her back,
Each time she stepped out of the ties;
The corporal boundary might have been wiped away,
Yet, the make-believe limit of the mind never dies.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

To Newspaper

You reach my doorstep at 7 o clock sharp,
Your loyalty knows no bounds,
You pour forth tales from across the globe,
Yet, I forever seem to shudder at the way you sound.
Why do you have to blurt out stories of distress and death
When pain plagues us all?
Why do you have to be so very honest,
Unnerving people immensely whenever something befalls?
Newspaper, I better turn a deaf ear to you,
And weave a world of my own,
A world shielded from your scorching truth,
Oblivious, peaceful and alone.

Friday, September 9, 2016

The Window

I loved keeping my windows shut,
My room drenched in murk,
Day in and day out, I savoured the frost,
And the stillness that did lurk.


You did beam in through a broken pane,
Your radiance gleamed so bright,
Holding forth this gloom any more,
Went utterly against my might.


Each day I pined for the whole of you,
The tiny crack never satiating my soul,
So one fine day I broke open the glass,
Lest this desire takes its toll!


Now the soft zephyr strokes my hair,
As the birds' euphony fills the earth,
I keep gazing at the sky so seamlessly blue,
But never and never again could I ever find you.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Being Unwomanly



They were gracefully curvy with long, matted hair that flowed up to their tender waists, unblemished fair and smooth skin, manicured fingers, ruby lips, much like the fairy tale princesses of my childhood destined to meet their Prince Charming one fine day or be awakened by a magical kiss. They carried a picture- perfect dress posing a picture - perfect smile all the time.

They talked and walked with a feminine slenderness, sophistication and style much to the admiration of everyone. They were never lonely, surrounded with so many people to turn to.

I was a tall, bony, bespectacled dusky girl myself, lacking curves, lacking grace, lacking sex appeal, in short lacking everything ‘they’ were born with.

For everything I did, they dubbed me as “Unwomanly”.

Only I knew of the men I had secretly desired and loved, love that suffered the terrible fate of being unrequited for who would care to even befriend a heap of bones like me?

When our real world takes a toll on our lives in various ways, we seek comfort in a make-believe world to shroud us with, where none but only our rules work. This is the reason I feel, why youngsters these days, retire to virtual social-networking sites as an alternative when they feel depressed or insecure.

What the society had managed to ingrain within me was the fact that it was mandatory for a woman to be pretty and tempting. Yes intelligence and wit was an ad-on count like the extra cheese on the pizza, but beauty and feminineness were something a woman could not do without.



It took me years to overcome the dejection I was fighting, but eventually I did overcome.

Yes looks do make the first impression, but it has nothing to do with being pretty. It has got everything to do with being presentable.

I had starting working on enhancing my personality by giving wings to my skills. I realized I was inquisitive and to satiate my hunger of learning I tried to focus on the things I was passionate about, that made me happy, that made me be myself.

By brooding too much over what we do not have, we tend to overlook the ones we truly have in our possession. I was proud to have a few genuine friends worth cherishing than a trail of blind flatterers who could fly away like the withered leaves anytime.

I started ignoring all sorts of negative vibes, because our society is itself confused with what it actually wants. Being slim has nothing to do with being unhealthy. Appearing healthy has got nothing to do with being absolutely fit. If you are obese, people would complain, if you are bony, people would complain about that too? Basically those who criticize us are nothing more than a bunch of jealous, frustrated snobs who would want to bring us down by stabbing our self-esteem.

Lastly it is worth-remembering that the price of a book is always defined by the quality of its content, neither by how thick it is, nor by its cover. So only ignorant fools judge the value of a book by its physical attributes because they are incapable of taking in the true essence that lies within, between the words.

Irrespective of our gender, irrespective of our sexual orientation, irrespective of our socio-economic, geographic or ethnic status, irrespective of all the differences, uniqueness or queerness that make us, nobody has the right to hurt our soul, ever. We are what nature has intended us to be, with a larger purpose to pursue.



“Remember even though the outside world might be raining, if you keep on smiling the sun will soon show its face and smile back at you.”-Anna Lee