A Daughter's dilemma

I wanted to tell you that day,

I got second place in the school’s singing contest, hooray!

But silence held me; what triumph could I claim?

Two voices only, a competition so lame!

With a hollow victory, I feared your disdain.

What I didn't tell you, and what you ought to know,

Is that I conquered my fear, and let my voice flow.

I learned long ago to bite my tongue,

And nod along to every word you strung.

"It's safer that way," Baba used to say,

"Avoids trouble any day."

But sometimes my words just had to break free,

All that was bottled up, pouring out of me.

Then, swift as a shadow, the spotlight swung to you,

And suddenly, I became the reason you felt so blue.

I'm forever in your debt, it's true,

For all you've given, and all you still do.

But sometimes, I just feel like I'm not really there,

My endless efforts floating on thin air.

There's always someone else you hold in high praise.

For once, did I not make you proud with MY subtle ways?

You often speak of walking out the door,

Claiming your stubborn girl won't listen anymore.

I hear you though, but my judgement gets blurred,

I can’t quite differentiate the right from the absurd.

The fear of losing you, a cold, sharp dread,

Means I must bend to every whim, to prove my love instead.

Decades later, still, in the mirror, I can see,

Much like how YOU perceive me to be.

My worthless self staring back at me.

Love, hate, or pity for you? I know not what,

Sometimes I am your darling daughter, sometimes a doormat.

Perhaps somewhere, in realms untold,

This story's threads would differently unfold.

No weight of motherhood for you to bear,

Just easy living, free from care.

Kindness from those who heal and mend,

Peace would forever transcend.

And from such a gentle past, unscarred by pain,

May you find the softness, to pass on again.