To Naive vent-outs of a school girl

Life is so strange. At certain stages of our lives we dream of something, we spin our world of fantasy, yet when we grow up ,our desires and aspirations also change with time and we tend to forget and come out of our childhood imaginations. But those yearnings still dwell somewhere in our minds although dormant however we try to shoo it away with our pragmatic ideas and remark them as "absurd".

There are a few things that I have always dreamed of since childhood but now feel ashamed of confronting them with the fear that people may call me immature. Although I do not particularly care about people but I feel the heat of more important issues to be dealt with in life than those and since our mind develops with age, our thought process also undergoes continuous transformation and we no longer feel like feeling the same feelings that we once felt in the bygone years over again. Yet as I said the desire still remains deep inside our soul like a baby in the mother's womb afraid to come out in this world of grown-ups where everyone expects you to act and think perfect.The truth is there is a hidden child within each of us and that is what we name as instincts.

Misunderstood

I remember every word you said,

Do you know how my heart bled?

When you drove me out of your life,

It pierced me straight even sharper than a knife.

You didn’t even bother to answer my ‘why’,

You walked away simply, bidding goodbye.

As I re-read our conversations it puts me to tears,

Your voice still rings deep in my ears.

I try new ways of searching you but in vain,

Knowing you won’t reply, you won’t understand my pain.

Bro, I miss you so much but do you care?

Even when this suffering becomes intolerable to bear.

Why did you come into my life if you really had to go?

Two days of joyous hopes that you did show.

Smiling all by myself, cherishing those days,

Imagining your presence, your pranks, your ways.

Still awaiting for your return knowing you won’t ever do,

It’s hard to accept this fact but it’s true.

Few relationships needn’t be by blood or by genes,

But I couldn’t afford to lose you at any means.

Bro please for once do talk to me,

I promise, I’ll never again annoy you, you’ll see.

Udashini

DUPUR BALAE PORAR BOI GULO SHOB BER KORE RAKHI,

SOFAE BOSHE BOSHE ANEK PORAR CHESHTA KORI TOBUO JURIYE ASHE ANKHI.

KHATA KHULE ONYOMONOSHKO BHABE KI HIJIBIJI DAG KATI

LUKIYE THAKA MONER KATHA SHOBDE KIBHABE JE ATI.

MON JE TAKHAN SHADHEEN PAKHI KHOLA AKASHE ORE,

CHAILEO PARBINA AAR TAAKE RAKHTE KHACHAE BHORE.

URE CHOLE JAE SE BOHU DURE SHOBAR CHOYAR BAIRE,

SHOB SHEEMA CHHARIYE, JEDIKE SE JETE PAERE.

KINTU ASTE CHAE SE KEBOL TORI KACHE, DIBINA TAKE THAKTE?

BOLBINATO "FIREE JA TUI PARBONA TOKE RAKHTE?"

HOTAT KORE AK FOTA JOL PORLO KHATAR PATAE,

MONE PORLO TUI CHOLE GECHIS TOKE KHUJBO AMI KOTHAE?

PRANER BHITOR PREMER ALOE TOR MUKH JE OTHE BHESHE,

RAKHTE CHAI TOKE AMAR KACHE SHARA JIBON BHALOBESHE .

BECHE THAKAR EKTU ASHA TUI FIRBI KONO AKDIN,

SHEDIN ROIBO NA AMI AAR UDASHIN.

LOST CHILDHOOD

This poem is dedicated to those unfortunate slum children who do not get to enjoy their childhood.

What is childhood? We don't know

For our lives are dull, full of grief and woe.

What is joy? We don't feel

Striving hard to earn a square meal.

What is love? We don't get

We are left alone, ill-treated and ill-fed.

What is family? We never had

There's none to look after us is what makes us sad.

What is school? We only dream

It remains an imagination it seems.

What lies ahead? We dare not to think

Like a ship lost its way and about to sink.

Each day we nearly struggle to live

Weighed down with work and haven't any time to heave

Just a sigh of relief

For life after all is very brief.

Yet we never give up hope trying to remain cheerful and bright,

Because we quite firmly believe that darkness is always followed by light.

LIFE

Life is a mystery,

For every passed moment becomes a history.

Life is an empty book

To fill it up take a deeper look.

Life is a high mountain peak

For stepping further look before you leap.

Life is a grief,

For those whose happy moments are brief.

Life is a journey till death unending,

Studded with thorns at every bending.

Life is a game

Where destinies for all are not the same.

Life is a series of experiences and tests

Where we need to put our level best.

For some, life is a song

Which they hum for lifelong.

Thus life is all we think it to be

It differs with how we see.

WHY?

Why is it that some of our dreams remain unfulfilled?

The anxieties of our heart can never be healed?

Why is it that despite the presence of all we still feel lonely?

Why is it that few get to enjoy praises while others humiliations only?

Why is it that even after toiling hard for any field,

The fruit of success as per our expectation fails to yield?

Why is it that out of so many only a few gets to be in the limelight?

Born with a silver spoon in their mouth, they do not have to suffer or fight...

Why is it that in spite of having so many friends all around,

At times of need and distress, they are nowhere to be found?

There is indeed no reason for all my "why"s,

We think we deserve much but achieve less that leaves us to brood over and cry.

Only we can elucidate it as a game of life and fate,

It is all over His will that our destinies have already been set.

TO SOMEONE

This world is strange

where promises are forgotten,

trust gets easily broken.

You love the one who avoids you,

You ignore the ones who cares for you.

Our heart still longs for the one we hate,

After being betrayed,we curse our fate.

This world is so strange,

where forgetting is as painful as waiting,

where its useless fretting.

where simple feelings turn complex,

giving way to misunderstandings and vex.

where love and possessiveness burns like fire,

where the one we count on to turns out to be a liar.

I better keep away from all those things which stings,

'cause at the end,

you won't be there beside to console me

however I weep and suffer at this bend.

CHILDHOOD

Give me back my childhood please,

I long for those days full of innocence and bliss.

I want to fly with the angels and seek

Occult powers to heal the sufferers and weak.

I'd ask the sun to shimmer bright

Even on gloomy and cloudy days

And kindle the hearts of people with eternal light,

Fading the darkness of evil and anguish with its aureate and divine rays.

Take me away from the world of wisdom and vice

Far from this hell of hypocrisy and disguise.

Give me back my childhood please,

I long for those days full of innocence and bliss.

I yearn for those instants once again

Moments of ignorance, fantasy, warmth and no pain.

NOSTALGIA

Far away from the crowds of men

From the company of friends

I lose myself in the world of nostalgia

At life's every crossings and bends.

That gentle hug of my grand dad,

That first day of school

Those laughter and voices of friends

Still rings in my mind and towards itself it pulls.

Those rainy days of my childhood

Many an innocent words and smiles

Those joys of every festival and events

somewhere, I have left at a distance of miles.

The long for the warmth of closed ones

Contentment at little gifts and freedom

Memories of places already visited

Praises for out off melody songs that I hummed.

My world of imagination, dolls, storybook,

Replaced by computers, internet and cell phones.

Killing ones creativity in trying to be so called 'perfect'.

Living up to others' expectations

Shapes of materialism and egoism that it took.

I'll use no ornamental language

For the emotions vent out of my heart

Cherishing each footprints that leads to my past,

May be this is called a "NOSTALGIA".

WHEN WORDS GET STUCK

Sick of long hours of loneliness,

Sentiments and feelings that you cannot harness.

Keeps me drowned in a sea of thoughts,

So long with my uncontrollable mind I fought.

Then caressing and consoling it as I could,

Instilling it with new hopes to bring back my mood.

But emotions are like wild horses, difficult to be tamed,

Every day frustrations, no one to be blamed.

Past events and sufferings which still leaves its scar,

And in life hinders me from getting too far.

Shattered dream and desires and haunting nightmare,

Unexpected words from someone you truly care.

Silent sobs that wouldn't ever reach your ears,

Trickling down the cheeks is the stream of tears.

I better keep my painful story, just to myself,

No one can understand me however deeper you delve.

The prolong void within me that cannot be filled,

The hidden wounds inside that can never be healed.

WINGS TO FLY

I felt myself like a caged bird fed and nurtured with care,

I hadn't anything to worry about and no one to fear.

I wondered how the world was like outside that four-cornered hell,

I was eager to spread my wings and escape from my place of dwell.

There may be risks to venture out with dangers and perils ahead,

But I would learn to be free, leaving behind fear and dread.

I wanted to chase my dreams and aspire beyond the sky,

Surrendering to my passion, hoping where life would take me by.

I longed to break open the cage to set myself free,

Soon I would be in a paradise with fountains, butterflies and trees.

But deep within me I had my doubts whether my thoughts were right,

Setting foot on my chosen path or to risk falling from a height.

Never-the-less I trusted my dreams, facing challenges on my way,

So far, I want to keep on trying, that is all I have to say.

On Love

Love is innocent, love is blind,

Love is the footsteps leaving its imprints behind.

Love is patience, love is bliss,

Love is a blessing with a tender kiss.

Love is the feeling delving deeper than the sea,

Love hurts more than the stings of a bee.

Love is a sacrifice, love is a hope,

Love is a trust binding stronger than a rope.

Love is the guide leading you in darkness and fear,

Love is the warmth comforting you in cold by staying near.

Love is the inspiration when you’re feeling low,

Love is immortal like rivers that flow.

Love is beautiful knowing no bounds,

Love is heavenly worth more than pounds.

Love isn’t just lust or expressing “I love you”,

Love is standing by your loved ones at all times too.

Love is commitment, love is free,

Love resides in you and me.

On Myself

I am really a crazy girl.

At times my nerves go really twirl.

I am indeed a stupid one

Why do I replay the conversation in my mind ?

Knowing everything is now over,said and done.

Like a chameleon, changes the colors of my mood,

I know that's not going to do me any good.

I get lost in thoughts, staring vacantly at the empty space,

I waste my time idly and later struggle to keep pace.

I shout at you but then my anger melts into tears,

Of defeat, pain and fears.

I apologize for my mistakes and for the patience that I lack,

But words are like arrows, once shot never comes back.

Moments that count

My cell alarm woke me up at five to study. Unlike rest of the days, when I had to drag myself out of my quilt reluctantly to revise my lessons, something held me back from following this same routine, and I kept lying on my bed sleeplessly till quarter to seven. Then as per my habit, I wandered from room to room just to feel better as my nasal cavity was blocked and I found it difficult to breathe. I turned on my computer to listen to some Tagore melodies as I like starting my day with the charm of music. But still I had a problem of inhaling, so I unbolted the locks of the door and stood by the railings of the veranda like a caged bird pleading to open the door of the prison and set her free. I took a deep breath to take in fresh cool air which would enliven my soul with energy, vigor and enthusiasm of beginning another new day of my life. All of a sudden the sky turned reddish and a pleasant rush of breeze from nowhere began to sway the branches of trees and rustle the leaves. We knew it would rain soon because now the sky had already changed to grey with enormous clouds veiling the dim sun. I wanted to keep standing at the balcony and admire the unparalleled beauty of creation of creator just before a storm with all my sense organs. But deep within me I had the fear of chemistry exam, the very next day and I was whiling away my time staring vacantly which added no sense to my conscience as the clock struck quarter past eight. But at times we need to listen to our heart more than our brains also. I ran to bring my camera, to capture an image just to embed it in the memory of my heart. I quite knew my eyes would not be able to see and my soul would not be able to experience this wonderful charisma of nature every day. So I simply wanted to relish this eternal moment of ecstasy to my fullest. I had taken a few snaps but all those photos appeared a little lifeless and virtual before the enchanting, miraculous morning in reality and the profound bliss and the soothing effect that it brought. By this time it had begun to drizzle with the lovely aroma which emerged from the wet earth after the showers and I just couldn’t help loving it.

Nevertheless, I had to return back to my room, back to my books, but I had already left a part of myself amidst the vivid nature. So how could I concentrate on my organic chemistry? It’s not that you get the same kind of a feeling every day. So how could you opt to lose it? I opened my notebook and took to writing. Although I am not William Wordsworth or Tennyson or even Tagore or anyone among the rank of poets or writers and am far from being called a nature lover to an extent and neither I have a rich vocabulary nor a collection of literary devices to help me interpret my vision into words in some poetic, ornamental language yet I wanted to pen down my thoughts, spontaneously as they flowed within me in my own way. I couldn’t reason out what had indeed happened to me fleetingly that Sunday which made me so much possessed with appreciation and emotions. Everything seemed to occur on its own without my control.

Somewhere in our daily struggle and rat race we miss few worthy moments of life which never comes back and it becomes too late before we realize them. As expressed by W.H Davies-

“What is this life if full of care-

We have no time to stand and stare”

I was aware, I had broken all my rules and regulations of my study hours as I had not confined to the timetable on the wall that day but we are all human beings not machines and have our own sentiments and desires.In which slot of my routine shall I put hours just for thinking? After all how many of us can take out time for self introspection and connecting with nature as our list of priorities besides other important activities and make the hours truly count?

Winter Winter!!

I do not know why but winter has always gifted me new energy and vigor in life as I eagerly wait for this part of the year. It always brings in profound joy, hope and inspirations to start life afresh. The chilly winter breeze seems to shower courage to endure all difficulties with a smile as the bright winter flowers, the sunny afternoons, and the frozen landscape somehow connects me to nature and to my lost childhood days and makes me feel so nostalgic. I still feel the same bliss in illuminated Christmas eves, Christmas trees all decorated with bells and balls, Santa Clause, churches, cakes, picnics as I felt years back. While the enthusiasm of all other festivals have gradually faded by now this is the one and only time of the year which makes me feel so good. Everything seems so much wonderful and colorful as if in a dream. As a child I visualized winter being carried on a carriage driven by fog and mist and weaved little tales and poems on it which now seems to be so absurd with time. Winter means bidding farewell to the ending year with the welcoming of the forthcoming year with new resolutions, round oranges, delicacies, old stockings hung on Christmas eves, music, carols, presents wrapped with shiny paper wrappers, fur jackets, silent dark nights under blankets, hand-drawn sketches of the Santa, reindeer and Christmas trees, greeting cards and what not!Winter means time for parties,new resolutions. I really cannot afford to miss even a bit of all these wonders and be a part of it enjoying each second to its fullest.

Time-A necessary evil

They say time changes everything.But don't you rather think that we actually need to change ourselves with time?I feel time is a strange creature.On one hand it reticently kills people, destroys civilizations, yet on the other hand it repairs the damages and heals up all wounds and sicknesses.It makes us immune to pain so that with time we get used to it and can no longer feel its sufferings. It swallows up everything that is visible sparing nothing.It does not spare even outstanding personalities.As spoken by Swami Vivekananda,"Time is a rat that cuts the thread of life." We say time and tide waits for none.It is a shadow that flies off from our hand the more we try to apprehend it.But is it always so? This is how Austin Dobson has aired his opinion about time, "Time goes.You say? Ah no!Alas,time stays we go." Time is so heartless.It seizes our childhood and puts us in tears with fond remembrances of those golden days.It takes away our juvenescence and makes us weighed down with responsibilities as it slowly and steadily casts its spell of age over everyone.No matter in what stage we are at present or how much we have prospered,we have to bow our heads before the miracles of time at some point of our lives.Slightly modifying Charles Darwin's theory; Those who succeeds in adopting with the changes of time survives while other perish.

Never-the-less,time is a great teacher.With every moment we grow,so does our knowledge and experiences also expand.Every day it brings us a new dawn rich with ample of opportunities,vigor and inspiration to start life afresh.The stuff with what life is made up of is time.In fact, the whole universe is interwoven and tied with with the strings of time.Nothing really belongs to us but time which even he has who has nothing else.That is why we talk of not wasting even a bit of it.It is the most precious commodity of our existence as it is non-renewable.Time slips from our hand like grains of sand,never to return again.Those who make utmost use of time right from an early age are awarded with rich,prolific and satisfying lives.This is what Bernard Barenson has felt about the necessity of time,"I would, I could stand at a busy corner and beg people to throw me all their wasted hours." Thus, time is the air we breathe,the part and parcel of our lives and the very soul of our existence.It makes the world go on.

Can you spend a day without a watch?Try it.............................